My (30F) husband (30M) had an affair with my co-worker when she was pregnant and when we were trying for a baby. He's begging for another chance, but how can I do that?

I recently found out that my husband has been having an affair with my co-worker who has also become a close friend. We've been married for 4 years as of January. We've been together since college. My husband and I moved here, states away from where we're from, for his job. That was about 2 years into our marriage. We knew nobody here at first. It was a very hard adjustment for me. I didn't really want to move, but I love my husband and wanted to support him in his career. I always knew that based on his job, there was a good chance we'd end up moving to another state sooner or later. I have a teacher's license and was working as a teacher prior to our move, but we live in a pretty small town with not many teaching opportunities, so I ended up just getting the best job I could for now as sort of a temporary thing and that's where I'm currently working right now. One of my co-workers was around my age, a newly wed, and not originally from this area. So, we sort of clicked and became friends. Eventually it led to us getting together with our husbands and we'd hang out together a lot the 4 of us. About 9 or 10 months after I moved here and met her, she got pregnant with their first baby. I was so happy for them. The baby is around 5 months old now. My marriage was doing ok during that time. I loved my husband, but I went through several periods of intense home sickness. I was depressed. We decided we had to start building a life and a family of our own, because although we'd visit our family and they visited us, we were likely never moving back there. I think I caught the baby bug being around my co-worker throughout her pregnancy, and my husband and I decided to start trying for a baby of our own. I just wasn't getting pregnant though. I started to get depressed and worried that after 4 months of trying there was nothing. I know 4 months isn't long, but at the time it felt like it was. we were having sex at all the right times and nothing I did made me get pregnant. 5 months into trying, I got pregnant. Unfortunately, I had a miscarriage just 2 weeks after we found out. We decided to put the baby thing on pause for a little while and focus on things we've always wanted to do together, visiting certain places and things like that. During that whole process, my friend was like my biggest comfort and supporter. I told her absolutely everything going on in my marriage, my life, very personal details I wouldn't even tell people in my family. We became especially close during that time. So remember that we live in a pretty small town here. Another co-worker of ours who is a 50 something year old woman who is very blunt texted me one day and said she saw him and my co-worker together in his truck in the parking lot of a hotel. My brain immediately jumped to try to think of some sort of excuse, or maybe she was mistaken, anything else. I couldn't think of any innocent reason why those two would be together in his truck in a hotel parking lot. To me knowledge, they'd never just been alone the two of them, period. I immediately asked him what he was doing and he denied it, said he was somewhere else working and that my co-worker was mistaken. In my gut, I didn't believe him. I didn't think my co-worker would mistake that and she's not the type to make something up to stir drama. I don't know why, but I decided to try to believe him, but inside I was suspicious. I didn't tell my friend co-worker anything about it. Again, I don't know why I didn't confront her about it then, but if it wasn't true I didn't want to blow everything up. I also felt embarrassed if it was true and didn't want her to know how hurt I felt. So, I sort of cooled down my friendship with her but never said a word about anything. She never asked if anything was wrong or what was up, why I was acting so differently at work, nothing. That should have been the biggest clue, as a true friend who wasn't sleeping with my husband would have asked. So about a month went by and my husband said he had to go away for a 3 day trip for work. He was going to be up in the mountains for this training trip. Guess who asked for 3 days of PTO from work for the exact same 3 days? I stayed silent, but seething. That night, he went to bed and I spent over 30 minutes trying to figure out his passcode on his phone until I finally got in and looked at their texts. Yep, the was going to be in the mountains alright. In the mountains in a cabin with her! Their entire conversation was just dirty texts and pictures back and forth. They were meeting up multiple days a week during lunch breaks to have sex. Multiple days a week! We work at a company that's open 7 days a week, so we don't all have the traditional Sat-Sun weekend off. She's actually off on Sunday-Monday and I'm off on Monday-Tuesday. Some days he was going to her house on Sundays and Mondays when she was off work and having sex while her little baby was there in the home. I was awake all night. How can you sleep after finding out something like that? I am just glad I didn't do something really stupid. As soon as he woke up I launched into him. He tried to deny it all, which I knew he would. I had screenshots of their texts. I had all the receipts. So, he starts to cry and say he's sorry and that it was just sex....they were really compatible sexually and wanted to have sex all the time and that's the need they filled for each other. He didn't want to be with her beyond that. Supposedly I wasn't having enough sex with him because I was depressed and then made sex into a chore when we were trying for a baby. For my ex-friend, her husband wasn't as interested in sex since she got pregnant and had the baby. My husband told me it's been going on for 6 months. That means she was still pregnant when it started. Everything I sacrificed and gave up for him and this is what he does to me? And while I was going through trying to get pregnant and a miscarriage and spending sooo much time talking to her and sharing so many personal things with her, she was sleeping with him. The betrayal I feel is unreal right now. My marriage, my closest friendship here, my job. I just don't know what I'm going to do. This was 2 weeks ago that I found the text proof. I took a few days off work because I couldn't be around her, but I've been going to work and literally working right next to her every single day. I told everyone at work though. They all know, and I don't care how unprofessional that was. I can't believe she continues to show up and not really act with any sort of shame. My husband is begging for another chance and I just don't know. How can you give somebody another chance after this? submitted by /u/ThrowRA_Sail to r/relationship_advice [link] [comments]