My (28M) girlfriend, who recently became my fiancée (25F), apparently stalked me before we started dating. How do I deal with being creeped out by her now?
By Anonymous Member••advice
A little over three years ago, I moved to a new city for work. About this time three years ago, I moved into a new house in this city. The house was perfect, it had a pool (I love to swim), and there was a running trail that went around the neighborhood (I love to run outside). For the first month or so, I had little interaction with the neighbors other than a friendly wave and/or "How are you?" Shortly after coming back from one of my runs, two women (my fiancée (who we can call "Kim") & her sister (who we can call "Lisa")) knocked on the door and introduced themselves. My fiancée's sister lived across the street with her husband and their two kids.
We made casual small talk, which, in retrospect, I think was intended to ascertain if I had a significant other. But, in any case, they ended up inviting me to their July 4th cookout that was coming up. I said I might stop by. 4th of July comes and I was just planning to stay at the house. Late afternoon, Kim and Lisa stop by and plead with me to come over and have a burger. I decide to go over. I stay for a couple of hours. Kim asks me alot of questions and I spend the bulk of that time just answering Kim's questions.
After this experience, I start to see Kim regularly when I am out and about. There is a grocery store near the neighborhood and I would see her there. I also see her pretty regularly at a nearby coffee shop that I start frequenting. Every time, she tries to initiate a conversation. About six months into living there, I am doing a run on the trial around the neighborhood. I see Kim and she flags me down. She said that she lost her phone and asks if I can call it. I call and we do not hear anything. She then asks if I can walk with her along the trail and help her look. I do. We walk for about 15 minutes and I keep calling. She eventually finds it covered by some leaves a little ways off the trail.
Shortly after this experience, she offers to take me to lunch as a "thank you." I see no harm in that, so I say "yes." We go to lunch. She seems to have similar interests to me and we have a good conversation. Shortly after that we start dating. Our relationship progresses. About a year ago, she moves in full time with me in my house. About four months ago, we get engaged.
About a month ago, one of her friends found out that her boyfriend she was living with was cheating. Some days later, she came over to the house. I worked on finishing getting the pool ready for the reason while they got lubed up on some wine. They were sitting on the back patio while I was working and talking really loud. Mostly it was the standard, "f*** that dude" for cheating. At one point Kim asked me to get them more wine so I did. After bringing it back, they started talking about me. After awhile, Kim's friend said something like, "I just need to start stalking a good one." Kim's response was, "I can give you the stalking to get your man 101 course," and then talked about figuring out a guy's schedule, showing up to the places they are, and finding excuses to talk to them. And about the fact it might take awhile. They talked about this for awhile and were laughing the whole time about it.
Her friend stayed over and we had a pretty chill night. The next morning her friend left. What she said about the stalking really bothered me, so I asked about it. She tried to play it off as a joke, but said she did that stuff with me. She figured out when I would go running, go grocery shopping, go to the coffee shop, etc. and would be there. She had been trying to get me to ask her out for months. After things did not work, her and her sister came up with the "lost" phone plan on the trail. Hearing all of that really creeped me out. Kim did not see the big deal. She has apologized, but she does not see the problem with what she did. It really has me second guessing everything about the relationship.
submitted by /u/ThrowRAstalkinggf to r/relationship_advice
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