My (30F) husband (35M) has been acting increasingly cruel since his dad died, and last night something happened that I can’t get past. Am I insane?

My (30F) husband (35M) has been acting really erratic this entire year. For context we’ve been married 3 years. His father passed away at the beginning of the year. We stayed with his mom for about a month and a half to help her with everything that needed to be done and to support her emotionally. After we finally came back home, my husband started acting… different. At first it was mostly these aggressive, cruel “jokes.” For example, I love watching the birds in our backyard and sometimes I whistle at them to get them to come closer. One day he told me, “Stop whistling at them, they’re going to want to fuck you.” Another time I was organizing our pantry and he saw some cucumbers I had bought and said, “Why do you buy cucumbers? To stick them inside yourself? To pleasure yourself?” If we’re out somewhere and another woman compliments my hair or my outfit, he’ll spend the rest of the day calling her my “girlfriend” and making comments about how apparently so many women want to fuck me. There have been so many comments like this. I’ve suggested therapy because it feels like he’s taking all of his anger out on me. He says he doesn’t need therapy because he knows he needs to change and can do it himself. What makes it harder to understand is how different he is with his mom. He is constantly there for her. He listens to her, comforts her, lets her talk about everything she’s feeling. Then he’ll hang up the phone and become cold and mean with me almost immediately. I don’t understand why he’s so angry at me. Last night things got much worse. He initiated sex. I didn’t really want to say no because I know how upset he gets when I reject him. He’ll also tell me that he feels unwanted, and then I end up feeling guilty. So we continued. But this time felt completely different from every other time we’ve had sex. He has always been affectionate and careful with me. Last night there was none of that. When I looked at him, all I could see in his face was anger. Almost hatred. His movements were so rough that he was hurting me. I was actually scared to tell him that he was hurting me. Eventually I pushed him off me and said, “I’m hurt.” I specifically said it that way because I was afraid of sounding like I was blaming him. Then I started crying. And while I was lying there crying, he grabbed my hand and put it on his dick because he wanted me to help him come. I can’t really explain the disgust and anger I felt in that moment. I was literally crying in front of him, and that was what he was thinking about? I immediately pulled my hand away. He laughed and said, “You escaped!” I just kept crying as he went to take a shower and then went to sleep. He didn’t comfort me. He didn’t ask if I was okay. Nothing. I’ve never felt so disgusted or objectified by anyone before. Let alone my husband. His comments and “jokes” had already been making me extremely uncomfortable, but after last night I feel like something in me just broke. I don’t know if there’s any coming back from this. Right now, the thought of him touching me again makes my skin crawl. Has anyone experienced something like this with a partner, especially after they experienced a major loss? Can grief actually explain this kind of personality change? Before he did make some jokes and comments, but never to this extreme level. I don’t really know what I’m looking for. Perspective, advice, maybe just someone telling me what they would do in my position. Anything would help. EDIT: I just want to thank each and every one of you that has messaged me, left a comment and wished me well. Please know I’m safe, I will update calmly when I can, but don’t be worried for me. I’m not with him anymore. submitted by /u/Lanky_Beyond1948 to r/relationship_advice [link] [comments]