What is the Gottman Four Horsemen?

The Four Horsemen are four communication patterns that Dr. John Gottman identified as predictors of relationship breakdown with 93% accuracy: Criticism (attacking your partner's character), Contempt (treating your partner with disrespect), Defensiveness (making excuses or playing the victim), and Stonewalling (withdrawing and shutting down). Our Red Flag assessment is based on this research.

How do I know if my relationship has red flags?

Red flags include patterns of controlling behavior, lack of respect, dishonesty, emotional manipulation, isolation from friends/family, and any form of abuse. Our free 37-question assessment helps identify these warning signs based on proven psychological research.

Is the relationship assessment quiz free?

Yes, all core assessment tools on CheckYourRelationship are completely free. This includes the Red Flag Detector, Safety Assessment, Compatibility Check, and access to our Q&A community. We believe safety tools should never be paywalled.

Is my assessment data private?

Absolutely. Your assessment answers are 100% private and anonymous. We use client-side encryption for sensitive data like exit plans, and your personal data is never sold or shared. You can also use our Quick Exit feature at any time.

Should I marry my partner quiz - how accurate is it?

Our 'Should I Marry Them?' assessment helps you identify deal-breakers and compatibility factors based on research from the PREPARE/ENRICH program used by over 4 million couples worldwide. While no quiz can make your decision for you, it provides evidence-based insights to help you make an informed choice.

My ex (30M) matched with me (29F) on Tinde…

4 years ago this day would have made me beyond happy. Last night I saw my ex of 4 years on tinder. Curiosity got the best of me and I swiped right not expecting anything, but we matched. I sent a little stupid message about how this was unexpected and we started talking. For context he broke up with me because I was taking on too much (personal) debt for a professional degree and it was too risky to him. He also said he hadnt felt love for me for a while now. He also wanted to move out of our respective parents homes back then and I couldn’t afford it yet/didn’t want to - which made him upset. My degree paid off thankfully. I moved to a big city (which was his dream) and have a decent job now. I’ve exceeded him at this point professionally and he still lives at his parents home (which isn’t a deal breaker, but does feel ironic). I was back home and matched. He wants to reconnect and said we were young and dramatic back then. He knows I’ve moved and stuff. I’m not entirely sure, I’ve healed so much since, but have always had love for him deep down, but also a lot of resentment on how he broke my heart and blamed my education (which back then I was about to quit if it meant I could stay with him). Part of me wants to see what happens and would love to get back together. The other part wonders if he deserves the new me. He didn’t want me when I was building this life, why should he now? Would you meet up with him and see whether there’s anything there, or does the lingering resentment mean this is better left in the past? For anyone who has successfully gotten back together with an ex years later: what actually had to be different the second time around for it to work? EDIT: Thank you so much everyone. These comments have been eye opening. I felt a bit ashamed because years ago I told him I’d take him back if he ever came back (during my dramatic breakup cry), and I did that. I think the past will be staying in the past. Edit 2: Messaged and told him I wasn’t interested in reopening this chapter after all. He said he respects that but tried to claim that he wasn’t looking for anything more than catching up (on Tinder…) either way, moving on. submitted by /u/Powerful-Lettuce-999 to r/relationship_advice [link] [comments]