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My siblings (19F, 21F, 23M) want to reconn…

My parents forced me to be responsible for my siblings from a very early age. When I was 5 it was making sure my siblings were supervised when my parents went to the store or did things around the house, dress my brother when he needed to go out or go to bed and he was in my room so I was supposed to make sure he didn't wander outside the room at night. Those last two things included my sisters when they were 2/3 years old. Then when they were starting school I had to walk them to and from school with me, since I walked alone before then, and I had to help with homework after school. I was also supposed to give my siblings an after school snack before or during homework if they got hungry. There was also roughly 4x a week of babysitting most weeks. I was also responsible for making sure my siblings behaved well and did what they needed to do. So if one of them broke something I was punished and not them. If they didn't do their homework and our parents were notified I alone was given the consequences. When they were being loud I would get yelled at for not keeping them under control. They knew it was happening and I used to beg them to act better but my brother and younger sister (21) would ignore me. My baby sister would listen some of the time and then she'd push back if she got annoyed at me for any reason. My siblings acted out badly from third grade until high school. Luckily I wasn't living at home for all of them being in high school. But when my brother started high school I was so fucking done. I blamed my parents but I also blamed them for doing nothing to help me. I saw our parents as failures and I considered my siblings bad siblings who hadn't earned me sacrificing for them. By the time I was 16 I was one foot out the door and planning my escape and I knew from around that age that I would be going no contact with all of them. I didn't care that they were going to miss me. The resentment and anger and hate I had for my whole family was through the roof. They could feel it in the months leading up to me leaving. They would push for me to say why I was mad, wouldn't believe me when I told them, and pushed more with the belief I was lying. There was a day my brother and youngest sister were really stuck on math and science homework respectively and I ignored the hell out of them even though I could have helped. I finished my homework and I still ignored them. I told them to figure it out for themselves and leave me the fuck alone. Of course that also got me into trouble but I was beyond caring about that. My parents argued with me every time I brought up the unfairness of the situation. They told me if I had to miss out on after school activities, on friends, on my own homework then it was only fair because my siblings needed me. They would also make me stay home if one of my siblings was sick. I was told it was my job to do my part so both of my parents could work. And you know what else they did? They saved for my siblings to go to college or do whatever in the future. I didn't even own a bank account until I opened my own. When I found out about it my siblings all told me I was being a jerk and a drama queen. My brother even said I was showing my gay. The years of no contact were the best years of my life and I have honestly given zero thought to reconciling until now. And it's only because my siblings contacted me. They told me they missed and loved me and wanted to have a real sibling relationship with me now. I replied a little and I told them I wasn't sure. They said they could prove it would be worth it. But they are also trying to convince me that our parents did the best they could and that I have been too harsh on all of them. They asked me if I resented all of them still and I said partially. I told them I knew our parents were to blame but they never made it easy on me either. Then they went right back to saying well it's unfair to say our parents were to blame. I was like you know what leave me alone and I was better off no contact. They beg me to stop and they told me we need a relationship with each other and they're sorry. But I am having a hard time with it. All the work I did in therapy to release most of that resentment will go out the window if we reconnect. I can already say that with a lot of confidence because I feel like none of them appreciate how I was treated badly during my childhood and I was never given a chance to be a kid like they were. Worst of all they still see our parents as blameless. submitted by /u/ThrowRATheNotKidd to r/relationship_advice [link] [comments]