What is the Gottman Four Horsemen?

The Four Horsemen are four communication patterns that Dr. John Gottman identified as predictors of relationship breakdown with 93% accuracy: Criticism (attacking your partner's character), Contempt (treating your partner with disrespect), Defensiveness (making excuses or playing the victim), and Stonewalling (withdrawing and shutting down). Our Red Flag assessment is based on this research.

How do I know if my relationship has red flags?

Red flags include patterns of controlling behavior, lack of respect, dishonesty, emotional manipulation, isolation from friends/family, and any form of abuse. Our free 37-question assessment helps identify these warning signs based on proven psychological research.

Is the relationship assessment quiz free?

Yes, all core assessment tools on CheckYourRelationship are completely free. This includes the Red Flag Detector, Safety Assessment, Compatibility Check, and access to our Q&A community. We believe safety tools should never be paywalled.

Is my assessment data private?

Absolutely. Your assessment answers are 100% private and anonymous. We use client-side encryption for sensitive data like exit plans, and your personal data is never sold or shared. You can also use our Quick Exit feature at any time.

Should I marry my partner quiz - how accurate is it?

Our 'Should I Marry Them?' assessment helps you identify deal-breakers and compatibility factors based on research from the PREPARE/ENRICH program used by over 4 million couples worldwide. While no quiz can make your decision for you, it provides evidence-based insights to help you make an informed choice.

32F and 33M, I am considering breaking up…

I’m considering leaving a 4 year relationship because of my boyfriend’s kink. He has a kink that sounded kind of hot at first, but now it’s making me feel like my own bodily autonomy is under his control. His kink is orgasm denial. Not for himself, but for me. In the beginning it was exciting because he’d act really dominant during sex and tell me when I was “allowed” to orgasm. Over time, it stopped feeling like roleplay and startd feeling like our actual sex life. He stopped trying to pleasure me. No oral sex for me, no fingers, and instead of pacing penetration, he would go really fast and cum quick on purpose. When I would get upset about not receiving pleasure, it turned him on. The only foreplay we would do is only me give him oral sex and that’s it. I haven’t had an orgasm in 5 months because of this. I’m constantly sexually frustrated, and what honestly pisses me off the most is knowing that my frustration is exactly what he’s getting off on. I’ve brought this up three different times. Every conversation goes nowhere. He either says I’m making too much of a big deal out of sex or tells me that a good girlfriend satifies her boyfriend’s needs even if it means not getting what I want. After the last conversation, I decided I was done waiting for him to care about my pleasure, so I ordered myself a vibrator. Unfortunately, the day it was delivered to our house, I looked for it on our porch when I got home from work and it was nowhere to be found. The tracking info showed a picture of it on our doorstep. I looked at our ring camera and sure enough my bf took it inside. When I asked him for my package he began interrogating me about my purchase and how I'm not allowed to have a vibrator when I have a boyfriend. I told him that it was my package and to give it back but he refused. I ended up locking myself in the guest room and just bawled my eyes out because I felt so hurt by this. I’m seriously considering breaking up with him. Any advice? Is there a way we can come to a middle ground regarding this or is this worth breaking up over? submitted by /u/ThrowRAaccountant916 to r/relationship_advice [link] [comments]