What is the Gottman Four Horsemen?

The Four Horsemen are four communication patterns that Dr. John Gottman identified as predictors of relationship breakdown with 93% accuracy: Criticism (attacking your partner's character), Contempt (treating your partner with disrespect), Defensiveness (making excuses or playing the victim), and Stonewalling (withdrawing and shutting down). Our Red Flag assessment is based on this research.

How do I know if my relationship has red flags?

Red flags include patterns of controlling behavior, lack of respect, dishonesty, emotional manipulation, isolation from friends/family, and any form of abuse. Our free 37-question assessment helps identify these warning signs based on proven psychological research.

Is the relationship assessment quiz free?

Yes, all core assessment tools on CheckYourRelationship are completely free. This includes the Red Flag Detector, Safety Assessment, Compatibility Check, and access to our Q&A community. We believe safety tools should never be paywalled.

Is my assessment data private?

Absolutely. Your assessment answers are 100% private and anonymous. We use client-side encryption for sensitive data like exit plans, and your personal data is never sold or shared. You can also use our Quick Exit feature at any time.

Should I marry my partner quiz - how accurate is it?

Our 'Should I Marry Them?' assessment helps you identify deal-breakers and compatibility factors based on research from the PREPARE/ENRICH program used by over 4 million couples worldwide. While no quiz can make your decision for you, it provides evidence-based insights to help you make an informed choice.

Ex F22 broke up with me M24 over text 10 m…

Hey everyone, I just need to vent and honestly get this out of my head because it’s been running in the background 24/7. About 10 months ago, my ex-girlfriend completely blindsided me. She ended our relationship entirely over text. To make it worse, she came to my house while I was 400kms away and took things without my knowledge or permission. When she left, she explicitly told me to never contact her again. Because she set that boundary, I respected it. The relationship ended over allegations of infidelity on my part as we both tested positive to an std. I was never unfaithful and felt as though she was slightly deflecting it on me , or I had it before the relationship started as I never had an std test. I didn’t reach out, I didn’t chase her, and I’ve spent the last several months just trying to process the breakup and heal. It’s been incredibly hard, and honestly, I haven’t felt emotionally ready to even think about dating anyone else. Then, out of nowhere, the situation completely changed. I recently got a phone call from Births, Deaths, and Marriages (the government registry). It turns out she had a baby and put my details down on the official form, claiming I'm the father. I haven't even received the actual paperwork in the mail yet, but my mind has been spinning. It feels so hypocritical that she demanded no-contact, refused to have a mature, adult conversation with me about any of this, and then used a government agency to drop this bomb on my life. I’ve been feeling guilty, wondering if I should have reached out sooner or if I'm being selfish by staying silent now. But the truth is, I’m just trying to protect my own mental health after how messily things ended. For now, I’m planning to keep my distance, respect her original no-contact wish, and just wait to see what the formal paperwork actually says before I make any moves. Has anyone else ever dealt with an ex cutting you off completely only to drop massive news through a third party months later? How do you stop it from taking over your head? Is it okay for me to just walk away or do I contact her ? submitted by /u/Individual-Fee6173 to r/relationship_advice [link] [comments]