My fiancé (44M) delayed coming to the hospital when I (36F) had a life-threatening emergency. Is this worth repairing?

My fiancé and I have been together 7 years and were engaged to be married next spring. He's generally a wonderful partner in everyday life, very loving and caring and absolutely my person, which is part of why this has been so devastating. Three weeks ago, I got off a long-distance flight, became extremely short of breath and my chest started to feel tight. I collapsed shortly after walking to the terminal. I refused treatment at the airport because I thought I was jut dehydrated. I texted my fiancé that I had fainted and something felt off, and he called me and urged me to go to the ER. Despite my fear of hospitals, I eventually went to the ER later that night because I felt so bad and my symptoms weren't getting better. He was at a work event two hours away, so I texted him I was going to the ER. He said good luck and that he could drive there right away if I thought his presence would be helpful. I didn't respond to this text because I was focused on getting to the hospital. After hours of testing, I was diagnosed with bilateral pulmonary embolism aka blood clots in my lungs and admitted to the ICU because it was life-threatening. I told him I was in the ICU. He expressed sympathy that I was having a difficult night and said he was glad I was getting treatment and made it to the hospital, but made no mention of dropping things at work to come see me. The next day still in the hospital but feeling better after blood thinners, I called him out for minimizing my situation. He then immediately left the work event and drove to the hospital, getting there right before I was discharged. When I later asked why he didn't come, his apologized profusely and shared his explanations were that 1) he didn't want to believe something bad could happen to me, 2) he'd never dealt with something like this and didn't know how to respond, 3) I hadn't explicitly told him I wanted him there, and 4) work made leaving difficult. I couldn't get past it. I told him I no longer trusted him to show up when things get hard and asked him to leave so I could recover. I specifically told him I needed space to process the near-death experience and focus on my physical health. During the three weeks apart, he sent me some very emotional messages saying he was devastated by how he'd handled it, that he'd failed me, that he wanted to restore my trust, and that he wanted to become someone I could rely on in a crisis. He said he'd started looking for therapists to understand himself more. I've now had three therapy sessions myself trying to process everything. When he told me to a doctor's appt, it was the first time we had seen each other or really talked since the incident. I told him the engagement was over but that I was interested in exploring repair at a slow pace. Part of me thinks this is a catastrophic failure on his part but potentially something a person can learn from and use to be a better partner. Another part of me thinks this exposed something fundamental about his character, and that it will be hard to gain trust back. But ending a seven-year relationship and losing the person I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with is incredibly painful, and I don't know if I want to throw away something that might be repairable. I don't think a person can be defined by only their worst moment, but also what they do in the aftermath to be better. For people who have navigated something similar, how were you able to repair it? And if we go the repair route, how do I know the core issue is actually fixed without waiting for another crisis to happen? And for those who walked away, how did you know you needed to exit? I keep swinging from fury at being abandoned at my weakest to despair at possibly losing the person who means the most to me. submitted by /u/ElectricalHoney4755 to r/relationship_advice [link] [comments]