My (23F) boyfriend’s (22M) friends are annoyed that I “interrupt” guys’ night

Hi reddit!! I could really use some outside perspective on this because I’m pretty torn and I can’t tell if I’m taking this too personally. My boyfriend (22M) and I (23F) live together. We moved in together when I was 21 and rented an apartment for a little less than year before buying a house in a small college town. For context, we've both worked since we were 15, he went into the trades instead of college, and my parents were also incredibly generous and helped us with the house. Our house isn’t anything crazy, but we have a really fun basement that we’ve basically turned into the designated hangout spot. We put up some fun lights, have a couple comfortable couches, a big TV, speakers, and all of our gaming consoles down there. The college in our town happens to be where a lot of my boyfriend’s best friends went for undergrad. Several of them stayed in the area afterward, so they come over to our house a few times a month to hang out with him. I’m not particularly close with my boyfriend’s friends. There’s never been any big conflict between us and I don’t dislike them. We’ve just never really clicked enough to become friends independently of my boyfriend, if that makes sense. They’ve also been his best friends since middle/high school, so I’ve always understood that they have their own dynamic and history that has nothing to do with me. Because of that, when they come over for a guys’ night, I actually make a point of leaving them alone. I don’t sit downstairs with them or try to insert myself into whatever they’re doing. I pretty much go downstairs exactly twice. The first time is usually to bring them food. If I’m cooking something for myself and my boyfriend, I’ll make enough for everyone and bring it downstairs. If they order pizza or something, sometimes I’ll bring that down instead. They also tend to stay pretty late, so the second time is usually when I’m going to bed. I’ll go downstairs, kiss my boyfriend goodnight, say goodnight/bye to everyone, and then go upstairs and leave them alone. That’s pretty much the extent of my involvement in their guys’ nights. Last weekend they came over like usual. I brought them food earlier in the night, and then a couple hours later I went downstairs because I was heading to bed. I kissed my boyfriend goodnight, said bye to everyone, and went back upstairs. But as I was walking up the stairs, I heard one of his friends make a comment about how annoying it was that I “kept bothering them” when it was supposed to be their guy time. This really hurt my feelings because I’ve intentionally tried to give them their space and I understand wanting uninterrupted time with your friends. I’m not hanging around downstairs or trying to participate, I was literally bringing them food in my own house and then coming back later to tell my boyfriend goodnight. I didn’t say anything that night because I didn’t want to start an argument while everyone was there. I waited until the next morning and told my boyfriend what I had heard. He immediately got kind of awkward, and eventually admitted that apparently some of his friends have mentioned before that they don’t really like me coming downstairs during their guys’ nights. My boyfriend was very apologetic and told me that he loves when I come downstairs, loves that I make/bring them food, and doesn’t think I’m bothering them at all. He also said he thinks some of it might be jealousy because most of these guys are single. But the part I’m struggling with is that he apparently hasn’t ever said anything when they’ve complained about me, including when his friend made the comment that night. Now I honestly feel weird about having them over at all. I don’t necessarily want to ban his best friends from our house, especially because these are people he has known since middle/high school and I know those friendships are important to him. At the same time, the idea of cooking for them or hosting them in our home while they complain that my presence is annoying makes me feel kind of humiliated. My boyfriend thinks the easiest solution is basically for me to ignore it and keep doing what we’ve been doing because he doesn’t care if I come downstairs. I feel like he should actually address it with his friends and make it clear that they don’t get to treat me like I’m an unwanted guest in my own house. Am I expecting too much from him here? I don’t need him to blow up his friendships or start some huge confrontation, but I do want him to stand up for me. Thank you in advance for any advice!! submitted by /u/irisbaelol to r/relationship_advice [link] [comments]