What is the Gottman Four Horsemen?

The Four Horsemen are four communication patterns that Dr. John Gottman identified as predictors of relationship breakdown with 93% accuracy: Criticism (attacking your partner's character), Contempt (treating your partner with disrespect), Defensiveness (making excuses or playing the victim), and Stonewalling (withdrawing and shutting down). Our Red Flag assessment is based on this research.

How do I know if my relationship has red flags?

Red flags include patterns of controlling behavior, lack of respect, dishonesty, emotional manipulation, isolation from friends/family, and any form of abuse. Our free 37-question assessment helps identify these warning signs based on proven psychological research.

Is the relationship assessment quiz free?

Yes, all core assessment tools on CheckYourRelationship are completely free. This includes the Red Flag Detector, Safety Assessment, Compatibility Check, and access to our Q&A community. We believe safety tools should never be paywalled.

Is my assessment data private?

Absolutely. Your assessment answers are 100% private and anonymous. We use client-side encryption for sensitive data like exit plans, and your personal data is never sold or shared. You can also use our Quick Exit feature at any time.

Should I marry my partner quiz - how accurate is it?

Our 'Should I Marry Them?' assessment helps you identify deal-breakers and compatibility factors based on research from the PREPARE/ENRICH program used by over 4 million couples worldwide. While no quiz can make your decision for you, it provides evidence-based insights to help you make an informed choice.

My bf (M24) “accidentally” pushed me (F29)…

We were browsing for some late night snacks to watch a movie tonight. He made a joke and I had a comeback that he didn’t know how to respond to, so he looks at me and says “you know what” then just pushes me with both hands on my shoulders hard as fuck. I flew backwards so hard one of my shoes flew off and the other one was half on, I landed straight on my lower back and butt. I tried to laugh it off, but his reaction is what threw me off the most. When he “checked on me” he was just looking around everywhere to just see if anyone saw it, once he saw nobody saw it he didn’t care at all. He just said that he didn’t mean to push me that hard and he didn’t realize he put so much force into it. Never actually apologized, and he just continued on like it didn’t happen. My back is spasming and my neck and back are super tense. If I pushed someone, even if it was “joking” and they FLEW OUT OF THEIR SHOES and landed on a hard floor on their back I would almost cry from guilt. I would definitely be apologizing and wouldn’t be able to just move on and not address it or apologize at all. How would you move forward from this? I’m viewing it as a huge red flag and I want another perspective without having to tell my friends or family. Edited to add that he’s in the military; an NCO at that and he was in uniform when this happened. He also works in the medical field, so if he knew I was going to go get my back checked out he would do anything to stop me because he genuinely only cares about his image. submitted by /u/Dreadlord0128 to r/relationship_advice [link] [comments]