What is the Gottman Four Horsemen?

The Four Horsemen are four communication patterns that Dr. John Gottman identified as predictors of relationship breakdown with 93% accuracy: Criticism (attacking your partner's character), Contempt (treating your partner with disrespect), Defensiveness (making excuses or playing the victim), and Stonewalling (withdrawing and shutting down). Our Red Flag assessment is based on this research.

How do I know if my relationship has red flags?

Red flags include patterns of controlling behavior, lack of respect, dishonesty, emotional manipulation, isolation from friends/family, and any form of abuse. Our free 37-question assessment helps identify these warning signs based on proven psychological research.

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Should I marry my partner quiz - how accurate is it?

Our 'Should I Marry Them?' assessment helps you identify deal-breakers and compatibility factors based on research from the PREPARE/ENRICH program used by over 4 million couples worldwide. While no quiz can make your decision for you, it provides evidence-based insights to help you make an informed choice.

My mom (42F) walked out on me (22F) as a k…

My mom (42F) walked out on me (22F) when I was 5 years old. She and my dad were no longer together at the time. Very early one morning while I was asleep at her house she carried me out to her car and drove me to dad's house. I woke up as she was beating and kicking his door until he answered and she yelled something at him and then told me to get out of her car and make sure I had everything she packed, there were like two bags, and that was it. I didn't see her again for 16 years. Life was good with me and dad for a few years. But when I was 9 he started acting erratic and not himself. My mom's parents were still in the picture and tried to help. But my dad was getting worse and worse. My mom's parents (66F, 68M) informed mom of what was going on and she refused to do anything. When CPS finally got involved after dozens of reports from my grandparents, I was already 14 and my dad was very unstable and unsafe. My mom was contacted and again didn't want to know about me. So my grandparents took over custody of me. My dad passed away three years ago after years of mentally struggling. I never found out why he got so sick so suddenly but he was not the dad I knew for the first nine years of my life. That has been difficult but I was lucky to have some family on my side. Back in February my mom moved her whole family close to my grandparents. My mom had a whole do-over family with a husband (40s/50s) and some kids, but I'm not sure how many she has exactly. My grandparents told her she didn't get to just get to reappear like nothing happened and have everything be okay between them. They pointed out her abandoning me twice and showing no concern for my safety. She told them she was planning to make amends with me but that she needed their help. They told her they would need to speak to me first and I told them I had some questions for mom so I'd meet her once. My mom gave me no answers for why she left or showed no care. She was not very believable when she told me it was the most difficult decision ever. But I do believe she has regrets. I think her biggest regret is burning the bridge with me so I won't ever be open to a relationship with her current family, including her other children. And before anyone says it. I KNOW the kids are innocent. I KNOW they are technically my half siblings. Those two things don't change how I feel. I have seen her twice since then. Both times she showed up unannounced to my grandparents house when I was coming/going from there. I no longer live with them btw. She tried to force introductions but I ignored her. Another time she was visiting my grandparents and she tried to use my grandma's phone to call me but grandma caught her. She sent me a social media DM last week that radiated with anger where she called me out for refusing to have a relationship with her do-over family. She also requested we sit down and talk without my grandparents next time. I don't want to do this but I'm not sure if my grandparents will have her around because of their other grandchildren. So I'm not sure how to go forward. My grandparents seem torn enough that I don't want to add more stress on them. This felt like a good place to get additional (I have a therapist) relationship advice. There really is never going to be a real one with me and my mom but I refuse to lose my grandparents either. submitted by /u/ThrowRACustardly to r/relationship_advice [link] [comments]