Husband(M36) told me(M39) he knows “I wished his mom would have fallen and died” after years of her commenting on my eating

My MIL has made comments about my eating, weight, and health for years. She’s called me out for “ordering too much,” asked if I’m worried about becoming obese, asked if obesity runs in my family, questioned whether I care about my cholesterol, and made comments about me being Latino and therefore needing to worry about diabetes. She doesn’t make these comments to my husband, even though he objectively eats more than I do. I eventually asked my husband to intervene and he talked to her. She’s currently staying with us, and the comments have continued. At dinner, after I declined her broccoli several times, she told me it was “GOOD for you.” I joked that I don’t believe in vegetables and laughed and she later complained to my husband that I never take anything seriously. The next day she called me out in front of a waiter for “ordering the whole menu.” I privately spoke to my husband and asked him again to intervene when needed. He said he would. My husband now says his mom is now anxious and stressed around me because she’s afraid of saying something that will upset me. Because of everything going on, I’ve been more guarded and quieter around her. My husband told me this was “unsustainable” and that I needed to act like my normal self. I told him it’s been hard given her comments and our my new knowledge of her being anxious around me for being “sensitive.” MIL recently felt faint at a grocery store and started going down. I caught/helped her, and my husband later said that stress involving me may have contributed to her feeling faint. I felt incredibly guilty. He then took it back but said it is still a factor in his mind but “not the only reason.” Today she almost fell again while walking after missing a step, and I helped steady her. I later told my husband it scared me, which it really did. His response was: “I know you wish she would have fallen and died.” I was stunned. He then said, “I know you wish she wasn’t here.” I told him being frustrated with his mom or wanting space from her is completely different from wishing her harm. He initially denied saying it, which confused me. Then said he didn’t mean it, and eventually admitted he said it because he was angry. He has since apologized. I’m still incredibly hurt and also somehow feeling guilty about this whole situation. I feel like I try to explain that her repeated comments make me feel criticized and uncomfortable, but eventually my reaction to them becomes the problem. Am I losing perspective here? How would you react to the MIL comments and, especially, to your spouse saying you wished their parent would die? submitted by /u/ThrowRAComfyCoffee to r/relationship_advice [link] [comments]