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I (40F) had twins and now my family (37F,…

I'm not really sure even where to start with this. My sister (37F) recently contacted me regarding scheduling one of my kid's birthday parties. From there, things spiraled and I came to find out that my sister hates me and my husband and that my mother hates my husband and harbors deep resentment for 'ruining her experience' during the birth of my twins. My sister went on this long rant about how I am not a real mom (I don't work full time after having the twins because I literally would pay more in childcare than my salary; I have 3 kids 3 and under). She raged that my MIL was my free nanny, so I am delusional about how real moms have it. My MIL was paid a fair wage, and she only came 2 days a week from 9 am- 4pm to help me during the twins first year. My sister said that her family (39M, 10F, 7F) made 'extreme sacrifices' for us by coming to two holidays at our home as it is a 90-minute drive. The first holiday she mentioned was 5 weeks after I had my first child and the second was when my husband had emergency surgery when the twins were 4 months old. He couldn't drive and I was only sleeping 2 hours a night, so I was not safe to drive. She rounded things out by saying we were too strict as parents and were going to give our kids mental health disorders and that we were 'insane' for not allowing our just turned 3yo to spend the night at her house with her kids with minimal supervision. I told her we needed some time to cool off and we haven't spoken since. I talked to my mother, not bringing up anything specific, just to say my sister had some strong feelings about me and my husband and we were not speaking. My mother proceeds to go off about how she hates my husband and is only cordial to him because she has to be. Her big problem- he was mean to her when I was giving birth to the twins. I went in for my 37w ultrasound and they thought one of my twins was getting growth restricted. They told me at 5 pm that I had to be to the hospital at 6 am the following day. I was still working full-time so I had to deal with all that, tell all the appropriate family members, finish packing, and get everything ready for my MIL to take care of my 18-month-old. I told my parents to just stay home until we told them to come because I didn't know how things would go. The next day, I'm getting ready to push and my husband gets a notification from our doorbell camera that my mother just came to our house. I gave birth to my first twin and then because I couldn't immediately birth the second, they pushed my husband out and put me under general anesthesia. I hemorrhaged. Instead of giving me blood, they pumped me with fluids and fluid overloaded me. The first thing I remember is about 3 hours after giving birth to the first twin, it was around 7 pm. The babies room in as there is no nursery, so there was no help besides my husband looking after the twins. A lot of aggravating things happened and two days later, as I am about to get discharged, they took my BP and it was 142/85. They diagnosed me with postpartum pre-eclampsia and put me on a magnesium drip, so I couldn't eat or get out of bed for over 24 hours. There was a lot of lying going on, including telling me I was in liver failure (my liver enzymes were a hair over normal) and that I would absolutely die if I went home. I was in the hospital for a little over a week and I was beyond stressed because every day it was a game if I could go home or not. I almost asked for a psych consult because I wasn't getting any sleep and I would get incredibly anxious when they took my BP. I missed my then 18-month-old SO much. When I got discharged home on BP medicine, I was passing out because my BP was 85/50. My mother stayed for 3 days and she never helped me. She just sat there in my room and cried. She did go to our house with my husband. She wanted to help but she just kept getting in the way. My husband was beyond stressed and tried to politely but firmly encourage her to just go home. She did go home eventually and apparently, she is furious to this day that my husband didn't cater to her more. I seriously don't even know where to go from here. I am disgusted and very hurt. tl;dr- I had twins, my birth experience was incredibly traumatic. My mother is angry that my husband and I ruined the experience for her. My sister thinks I am not a real mom because I don't work full time and had my MIL help as a part-time nanny. She is incredibly resentful of me and also hates my husband and me. How do I deal with this? submitted by /u/smokeandshadows to r/relationship_advice [link] [comments]