Am I (30M) unfair for doing less for my roommate/friend (30F) after she clarified we are just platonic?

I've known my roommate for a few years. We were purely school friends studying together grabbing the occasional celebratory lunch, otherwise we did not hang out outside of that. Eventually I got a FT employment offer, she unfortunately did not, so decided to go back to school. We kept in touch, so when she heard I was getting a 2 bedroom apt nearby her college, she begged me to move in (wanted out of her parent's house) . I was hesitant as she'd never lived on her own outside a dorm, but eventually agreed, since i could save on rent. Soon after she moved in a realized she has pretty severe anxiety, about school, self actualization, work, how attractive she is, everything really. I realized she struggled to clean up after her self, to keep herself fed (during her summer internship she would buy frozen dinners or beg me to cook), not to spiral mentally etc. I really hated seeing her struggle, so a little at a time I started doing more around the house, eventually I ended up doing 90% of the cleaning, cooking us dinner and cleaning up after, let her come with me to work for free (she worked in a nearby building for her internship, I would uber to my workplace. And I constantly had to validate her self esteem, she would often ask to hold hands or to be hugged or cry on my shoulder etc. Basically I'd become her parent and therapist, in a way. It has become somewhat draining having to keep her in mind so often. She had also become more "cuddly" while watching shows etc. Leaning on my shoulder, holding my arm etc. I guess I misinterpreted this as potential interest, because one night I put my arm around her shoulder (which I had done before) and she said "I like being close to you but just so you know we are just platonic." I guess part of me was a little hurt by this, but largely I was fine with it. However it got me thinking about what our relationship had crept into over time, and I realized I should not be holding her afloat so such a degree at my own detriment if we were just roommates. Having thought on it, I couldn't imagine my doing all this for any of my platonic male past roommates. So the next day I sat her down and said she was right. We are just platonic, but that said that we should reestablish those boundaries. So I mentioned things like, we shouldn't hold hands, and hug all the time, she should contribute some amount to our rides to work, that I would cook for her once a week rather than everyday, that if we went out to eat, other than special occasions she should pay for her half, etc. Well she is now inconsolable, saying I am punishing her for not loving me, that she thought I did those things because I was her friend, etc. I really do see where she's coming from, but I guess from my perspective, I felt I had let our behaviour slip too much into a relationship rather than friendship, and I realized that I wanted to be sure she could reciprocate, as I've felt there is a general lack of reciprocity on her part. submitted by /u/Edenwood to r/relationship_advice [link] [comments]