What is the Gottman Four Horsemen?

The Four Horsemen are four communication patterns that Dr. John Gottman identified as predictors of relationship breakdown with 93% accuracy: Criticism (attacking your partner's character), Contempt (treating your partner with disrespect), Defensiveness (making excuses or playing the victim), and Stonewalling (withdrawing and shutting down). Our Red Flag assessment is based on this research.

How do I know if my relationship has red flags?

Red flags include patterns of controlling behavior, lack of respect, dishonesty, emotional manipulation, isolation from friends/family, and any form of abuse. Our free 37-question assessment helps identify these warning signs based on proven psychological research.

Is the relationship assessment quiz free?

Yes, all core assessment tools on CheckYourRelationship are completely free. This includes the Red Flag Detector, Safety Assessment, Compatibility Check, and access to our Q&A community. We believe safety tools should never be paywalled.

Is my assessment data private?

Absolutely. Your assessment answers are 100% private and anonymous. We use client-side encryption for sensitive data like exit plans, and your personal data is never sold or shared. You can also use our Quick Exit feature at any time.

Should I marry my partner quiz - how accurate is it?

Our 'Should I Marry Them?' assessment helps you identify deal-breakers and compatibility factors based on research from the PREPARE/ENRICH program used by over 4 million couples worldwide. While no quiz can make your decision for you, it provides evidence-based insights to help you make an informed choice.

I (27F) think I'm about to lose my family…

I (27F) found out five months ago that my sister (29F) was sleeping with my husband (28M) and he got her pregnant. I kicked him out and filed for divorce and I refused to forgive my sister for it. The worst part of all of it was he and I were exploring fertility options for us because I had trouble getting pregnant and was given a couple of diagnoses to explain the reasons for it. My sister knew and she still expected me not to be incredibly hurt and broken by it. What's as bad though is the fact our parents (57M, 54F) and brothers (25M, 30M) are angry that I won't forgive my sister. They set me up once to be in the same room as her so she could apologize and I told her I would never forgive her and she was working herself up and begging me for my forgiveness and I refused. I even told her I needed her out of my face because I wanted to make her suffer the way she had made me suffer. My family were like how could you say that. You could hurt her and the baby causing her so much distress and I told them I didn't care. My mom tried to get me to come around but I told her all her talks should be aimed at the person who betrayed me and wants to flaunt her pregnancy with my ex-husband in her face. My sister told me she would keep trying to make me forgive her and would not leave me alone. I told her I wished she was dead and from the day I found out she was dead to me. My younger brother told me he understood my pain and he didn't want me to feel shut out of the family. But then he also confirmed he would side with everyone else if I ended up pushed out because I won't forgive. My dad asked me what could be done to make things right and what would bring this family back together. He told me she's suffering enough with my ex refusing to have anything to do with her and the baby. I told him I didn't care and I was glad she was suffering. I told him in my eyes she'll never suffer enough for it and that if he only cared about supporting her then he should leave and come back when he cares about what this has done to me. My mom tried again after dad but again she tried the same tactic about sisterhood and not letting a guy come between us. She even asked me what I would do if my sister ended up dying from this pregnancy after me wishing it on her. She asked me how I will feel missing out on the baby's life. I told her better than being reminded of the fact I couldn't get pregnant and then she fucks him and gets knocked up. Now I have to ignore most of their messages because all they want to talk about is me forgiving her. My mom even wanted me to help with getting my ex to at least pay child support when the baby comes and I refused. At this point nothing to do with them and this baby is my concern. My focus is on getting a divorce and moving on from the two people who betrayed me. But I can already tell I am probably going to lose the rest of my family to this and I don't know if I'm supposed to try and save it or not (minus sister). Advice? submitted by /u/ThrowRAMPerspective to r/relationship_advice [link] [comments]