My (29F) husband (27M) is likely going to die soon from cancer, but I feel like he is taking advantage of my support.

My husband (then boyfriend) was diagnosed with cancer a year ago. His work contract was expiring and they didn't extend it when they found out he had cancer, and since I have pretty good health insurance, we decided to get married so he would still be covered. I told him he doesn't need to find another job because I make enough to cover our expenses and I wanted him to focus on getting better. Before this, our relationship was great and we felt like we were going to get married at some point anyways, so we might as well do it now. At first this worked great for us. He could relax at home with our dog and my work schedule was flexible enough where I can go with him to his appointments and we weren't financially unstable. I was able to pay all of our bills and his medical expenses, and even send him some spending money so he would have some funds of his own. But he started doing some really irresponsible financial decisions that are really taking a hit on my wallet. The timeline is kind of messy so I will do my best to describe what happened. A few months ago he decided he really wanted a motorcycle. At this point in time, we received news that his cancer is a really complicated case and the chances of being cured were really low if not non-existent. My husband told me he wants his own motorcycle before he dies, and that this was essentially his dying wish. I talked about it with my mom and she offered to pay for it all in one go, but told me it would take a while for her to send the money. So the agreement was that I pay for it initially and the check she sends will be to reimburse me for the money spent. I told my husband that the money I'm sending him is specifically for the bike, and I sent him $8k. Shortly after this, we received news that chemotherapy is no longer working and they are looking into clinical trials. They would be prescribing him chemo pills the next week to hopefully hold back the cancer while they wait for him to be approved for clinical trials. He took this news hard and decided he wanted to go back to his home city to see friends and family before he started treatment again. I told him buying plane tickets the day before the flight is extremely expensive, especially if it was a direct flight. So I asked him if he was ok either waiting a few days to help lower the cost or taking a layover. He was extremely against both and said this is his last time to see his friends and family again before he likely dies from cancer, so I bought the plane ticket he wanted. The flights usually cost around $250, but his ticket cost $800. On top of that, he misplaced his wallet shortly before he was supposed to leave for the airport and broke a hole in one of our walls, broke a chair, and broke our bedroom door. When I confronted him about it he brushed it off and told me to just buy another door and it's not that big of a deal. While he was in his home city, he decided to go to a casino with his friends without informing me and told them he gambled about $1k and profited $1k. Then spent the rest of the day spoiling his friends and buying them things they wanted (I only found out after he returned home). When he returned home, I finally received the money from my mom so I asked my husband how much is left to owe on the bike. He told me "you never told me that money was for the bike. Just pay it off with your card". I got upset and told him I did in fact tell him, and I sent him $8k. What else did he think that money is for and if he still had it. He told me again just to pay it off with my card and "I don't know why you're making a big deal out of it". I suspect that $8k was partially used to gamble, but he has been guarding his phone so I cannot check his transaction history. On top of that, he hasn't been taking his chemo pills like he was supposed to. I told him if he's not taking it then he needs to tell his oncology team. I've been telling him for days to inform them and he snapped at me and told me to mind my own business and that I was being annoying, and that if I kept bringing it up he would start excluding me from anything medical related. I'm exhausted and burnt out. I'm trying my best to support him but feeling like my efforts are not appreciated are starting to really take a toll on me. Ever since he was diagnosed, he has not thanked me once for anything I've done for him. There has been no acknowledgement whatsoever. Not about marrying him to get him on health insurance, not about covering all our expenses, not about paying for all his medical bills. The money I've spent for him in the last year has been in the tens of thousands and he doesn't even acknowledge it. I know he's spiraling because he's basically being forced to face an early death, but he's dragging me down with him and he refuses any kind of therapy to help deal with it. How do I tell him I'm feeling underappreciated without causing an argument or making him feel like a burden? Update: I am trying to reply as many comments as I can but they are coming in fast and I'm currently at work so it might take a while. Also to clarify, we do not have any joint accounts. The bike was taken out from a loan under his name, which is why I sent him money for it. Any money he spends was sent from me. Update 2: Sorry this post is gaining more traction than I thought and I'm afraid my husband or his friends will find it and I don't know how my husband will react if he reads it. So if you guys could try to keep this post on the down low that would be great lol submitted by /u/Medium-Ad-565 to r/relationship_advice [link] [comments]