My parents (38M/38F) won't stop having kids and I (20M) don't want to be stuck in the cycle of "helping" anymore?

I (20M) feel bad saying this but I deeply resent my parents having so many kids. My dad (38M) works and mom (38F) has never had a job and went from training to be a good wife to marrying my dad at 18. My parents are deeply religious, come from religious families and birth control or trying to control the size of the family is not allowed. Even if there are medical risks, which there have been, you keep going. That's what their church promotes. My parents and grandparents grew up going to that church. My siblings and I (I'm the oldest) grew up there too. But I formally left the church when I turned 18. I never really bought into their teachings though. My dad doesn't make the kind of money required to raise a family with more than 10 children. I don't think my mom really enjoys being a mother so the responsibility for my siblings was pawned off on me most of the time. There were harsh punishments when I refused. My dad would make sure I didn't become too effeminate because of my responsibilities to my siblings. My dad also put his foot down that I was the only boy that could be asked to help and the five kids after me are all boys so... yeah. It was a big fight in the house because my dad really hated me stepping in because it wasn't manly. But he also realized my mom was not holding the reigns tight enough. My siblings and I all developed issues from the type of childhood we have and to be honest putting the responsibility on me has made me resentful of my parents and my siblings. I don't have one single sibling I had a close relationship with. And I moved out at 18 and refused to provide any more "help" which my oldest sister won't do either. My dad has come around now that nobody is really raising my siblings and he calls with mom to tell me to come home and help and they tell me that I'm needed to keep the family running. They fucked with my education by putting so much on my shoulders and I dropped out of high school my junior year with my parents full support. My grades were shit and I had zero hope of improving them. My mom's pregnant again too and they have increased their efforts to get me back home. Even some of my siblings have joined in because I was the one did stuff for them. And I feel a little guilty for this buuuut, I don't want to. Like at all. I don't even want a relationship with any of my family. It doesn't bring me anything good and it just risks me being stuck back in the cycle of "helping" which is mostly being the only parent in the house outside of discipline. I'd like some advice because I'm not in a position for any kind of therapy right now and I'm not looking to go back to school right now either. I'm close to moving to another town but it will still take a couple of years or more for me to be on my feet better than I am right now. But I want to know what I should do about my family which is why I'm looking for relationship advice. submitted by /u/ThrowRATempturesangs to r/relationship_advice [link] [comments]