What is the Gottman Four Horsemen?

The Four Horsemen are four communication patterns that Dr. John Gottman identified as predictors of relationship breakdown with 93% accuracy: Criticism (attacking your partner's character), Contempt (treating your partner with disrespect), Defensiveness (making excuses or playing the victim), and Stonewalling (withdrawing and shutting down). Our Red Flag assessment is based on this research.

How do I know if my relationship has red flags?

Red flags include patterns of controlling behavior, lack of respect, dishonesty, emotional manipulation, isolation from friends/family, and any form of abuse. Our free 37-question assessment helps identify these warning signs based on proven psychological research.

Is the relationship assessment quiz free?

Yes, all core assessment tools on CheckYourRelationship are completely free. This includes the Red Flag Detector, Safety Assessment, Compatibility Check, and access to our Q&A community. We believe safety tools should never be paywalled.

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Should I marry my partner quiz - how accurate is it?

Our 'Should I Marry Them?' assessment helps you identify deal-breakers and compatibility factors based on research from the PREPARE/ENRICH program used by over 4 million couples worldwide. While no quiz can make your decision for you, it provides evidence-based insights to help you make an informed choice.

My (M40) wife (F36) wants to tell our son…

Sorry if this might be a long one. It’s just messed up and a long story. My wife and I weren’t ”lovers” from the first moment that we met. We were coworkers and just two good friends. She was 18 back then and some day she told me she’s pregnant. By her boyfriend of that time. She discussed it with him and he literally vanished from everywhere. She couldn’t even contact his family after that. And since we’re living in a country with super strict religious rules (and people who are ready to judge anyone anytime) , I asked her to marry me. Just so I could help her avoid having any more bad stuff happening to her by her family or even the society. So we got married and everything has been okay through all these years. I‘ve always loved our son deeply. Like my own. I’ve never looked at him as another man’s kid. He’s been mine since the day he was born and he’ll always be my son. At my worst days when I had no hope to keep going , him and my wife were the only stuff keeping me on my way. Everything I’ve done in my life , Everything I worked for , was for them. I tried my best for them to have the life that the deserved. I made sure they had nothing to worry about. And if there was one thing I wanted in return , was that they would also see me as their real family. When we were younger I always used to worry if my wife was still thinking about her ex boyfriend and wish it was him instead of me. I’ve always been insecure about stuff like that. The guy was good looking and the exact thing that a girl wished for. And they were together for many years before all those stuff happened. But anyways. Now that our son is going to be 18 in some weeks , she’s constantly telling me that he deserves to know the truth. While I agree with her that he has the right to it , But It’s like I’m too selfish deep down to let a man who had done NOTHING for them take the kid that I put my whole life for away from me. I can’t even think about it. I‘m worried if he finds out , he’ll try to reach him and maybe even choose to live with him instead of us. Besides that , this whole thing made me overthink even more about our whole relationship. Yes I know she was never attracted to me or in love with me. I was just a safe place for her. Someone to reach out when you have nothing left. And I never expected anything else either. But after all these years , I thought she was over him. I thought she moved on. I did all I could just so she can have the life she deserves. And then she just suddenly decides to make contact with a guy who ghosted her and left her alone while she was pregnant with his child. I know I might sound selfish. But I swear to god I just don’t want to lose them. I love my family. They’re my everything. The only reason that I never gave up. I can’t lose them so easily. I don’t want my son to hate me or see me as his step father. I don’t want him to know How can I convince her to NOT do that? How can I handle this whole situation? submitted by /u/ThrowRA_jac to r/relationship_advice [link] [comments]